3 Proven Negotiation Tactics To Effectively Deal With Workplace Harassment
Workplace harassment is a serious issue that can have a negative impact on both the victim and the company as a whole. If you find yourself in a situation where you are being harassed at work, don't feel in despair. Try and calm yourself before thinking of a way to negotiate your way out of trouble. It may feel strange hearing that one should treat a series of interactions with workplace bullies as a kind of negotiation, but dealing with bullies is essentially a negotiation with them. It always involves some give and take to negotiate your way out of trouble with bullies, and if you can approach workplace harassment as a game of negotiation, this may help you escape further harassment more quickly.
To deal with workplace harassment, we have to first understand the psychology behind a bully. In a research study done by Smith and Frisen (2016), a few significant factors were identified that influenced bullying behavior, including perceived threats, desire for power, lack of social support, revenge and lack of social support.
Let's take "perceived threats" as an example. The individual who is targeted by bullying behavior may be perceived as being "different" in some way by the bully. In many cases, the person who is bullied is seen as a threat to the bully's ego, success, or self-esteem. This leads us to a common reason behind bullying, which is the "desire for power". We inhabit a world where too much focus is placed on power and obtaining as much as possible. Unfortunately, many people feel that putting others down is the best way to make themselves appear stronger. In a workplace, it is common for people fight for a promotion, so as to gain more power in an organization which may lead to more intrinsic or extrinsic benefits.
"Revenge" is commonplace in the workplace, which is another factor that often leads to bullying. In this case, the bully may genuinely feel that he/she is wronged, but in other cases, the bully may simply want revenge since somebody else got a promotion instead.
Regardless of the complexity of the situation, you must try your best to comprehend why the bully at your workplace is acting the way he/she is before negotiating your way out of trouble. This does not mean you have to confront the bully directly - you should in fact always find support elsewhere in the workplace, but there is a great chance that you will have to communicate with the bully directly to resolve the situation. It's important to point out that you should find psychological support if you are afraid of confrontation with the bully, but assuming you are not, here are a handful of negotiation tactics that you can arm yourself from bullies.
1. Speak up.
Don't let the bully push you around or take advantage of you. Consider standing up for yourself vehemently, so that the bully may back down.
Sun Tzu's Art of the War may shed some interesting insight into how bullies should be dealt with. Sun Tuz's famous quote “Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak” could apply to dealing with workplace harassment. Humans often make the mistake of thinking that danger will simply disappear when retreat from it. However, this may not be the case depending on the personality of the bully and what the perceived reasons are for the bully to act the way he/she is. For instance, don't expect bullies that find joy in psychologically hurting their victims to back away when you show weakness. Some bullies simply bully others for joy, and some others may have had a traumatic childhood which taught them to become the aggressor at all times. In this situation, you should probably react strongly against the bully as a deterrence. Even though you may not be feeling strong, remember Sun Tzu's proverb of acting strong when you are weak.
In other instances, bullies may even react more vehemently against you if you stand up to them too strongly. This often happens when bullies feel that you have genuinely hurt them, in which case they feel that the only option to defend their honour is further harassment. They may even feel entitled to hurt you if they thought you have hurt them in the first place. In this situation, toning down your rhetoric or showing slight weakness to the bully may be beneficial for you, since he/she may feel satisfied having been handed a psychological win by your backing down.
The same logic applies if you decide to get a third party, such as your manager or an HR, involved. Sometimes, even if your manager or HR sides with you over the bully, you may still want to tread around the bully carefully instead of choosing aggression. This is because workplace bullies, unless they are terminated, can always find ways to hurt you. It's important that you understand the basic principle of negotiations - do not "get a complete win over your opponent"; always leave room for your opponent to claim a win.
2. Know what you want.
Before you can negotiate with the bully, you need to know what you're hoping to achieve. What is your goal in this situation?
Are you hoping to get the bully to stop picking on you? Or are you hoping to get them to leave you alone? To get them to stop saying mean things about you behind your back? Whatever your goal is, make sure you're clear about it before you start negotiating. If you don't know what you want specifically, you are unlikely to stop the bullying. Having only a general goal, such as "stop the bullying" won't make the cut. Your goal should be more specific, such as "escalating the situation to the general manager who can put an end to the harassment you have endured". You must formulate a specific negotiation strategy to stop the bully from harming you.
It can also be helpful to have a backup goal in mind, in case your first goal is not achievable. For instance, if your goal is to get the bully to stop picking on you, but that doesn't seem possible, your backup goal might be to get the bully to leave you alone. In general, backup goals should be easier to achieve than your primary goal. If your backup goal is too difficult to accomplish, you may give up entirely. In addition, remember to be patient when dealing with harassment. Most bullying won't stop overnight and it is dangerous thinking to expect that you can get the bully to back off after a few tries. If you set a goal that is too difficult to achieve in the near future, it can be very discouraging if you don't see progress quickly. It is important to have patience and persist with your plan even when it feels like nothing is working. Eventually, with time and effort, you will likely reach your goal.
3. Know your rights.
The key to winning any negotiation is to understand the parameters, or the rules of the negotiation as quickly as possible. For example, you may want to go through employment and labour law extensively to find out what your rights. In particular, the Equality Act 2010 states clearly that harassment is unlawful and that there are certain legal options available for the victim to take against the offender. You should also consult with your employer in regards to any additional workplace regulations that you can use against the bully.
As a rule of thumb in negotiations however, it is nearly always unwise to threaten your opponent, especially by quoting certain excerpts from any laws, rules or regulations. In the case of bullies, they may not care what the consequences are, or don't believe they will be held accountable. It is any negotiator's job to influence the opponent into understanding the negotiator's point of view, otherwise your negotiation opponent will not cave in to your demands. The bottom line is that you must get your negotiation opponent to agree with you on core issues or consequences if they decline a deal with you, so that you can get what you want.
Similarly, in the case of workplace harassment, you must lay out the consequences of further harassment clearly and logically for the bully to comprehend, so as to influence or even frighten the bully into submission. Only quote from the law or employer regulations to threaten the bully as a last resort, as threats could lead to the exit of your opponent from the negotiation table, which could spell trouble for you. For instance, when bullies decide to stop communicating with you, they may step up their attacks against you and bully you into submission.
Lastly, you must master "the balance of reward and threats" to influence your negotiation opponent into submission. What this means in a negotiation with a bully is that you should offer a "reward" for the bully to stop harassing you, whilst implicitly conveying appropriate "threats" to your bully if they continue on with their harassment. This involves knowing what your rights are, or in other words, what your bottom line is if you don't get what you want with a bully.
It's easier said than done to not fret over bullying at the workplace, as it can be seriously mentally distressing, yet don't forget you still have control over a bully to a certain extent. Employ the right negotiation tactics at the right time and formulate a logical negotiation strategy to influence the bully into submission, based on your analysis of the bully's personality and reasons for his/her behaviour. Seek psychological help where necessary and know your rights at all times.
